Yoga retreat recap

Tags

Bikram yoga, community, Mexico, Travel, Tulum, yoga retreat

The idea of recapping my recent yoga retreat in Tulum, Mexico is daunting. How do I even begin to capture it?

There was yoga everyday and beautiful whole foods (mostly vegan) and unbelievably pristine beaches where you could plop yourself down on the sand and meditate on the vastness of the universe.

There were also oceanside hammocks where you could spend the afternoon in blissful semi-consciousness while rarely clothed, joyful people frolicked in the blue-green waves. We played with Synergy and swam in caves and visited the Mayan ruins.

We also practiced Bikram yoga every morning. We sucked in our bellies and locked our knees and did our 80/20 breathing. Francisco and Esak (lovingly) picked on us and challenged us and cheered us on.

The palapa where we practiced yoga every day

We did yoga in a palapa, outside, so the temperature was much chillier than us Bikram yogis are used to. Without the heat and without the mirrors, my familiar 26+2 yoga practice was transformed into something very different. It forced even more presence and acceptance. Backbends were not as deep, but grips were stronger. The heat didn’t exhaust me, but it also didn’t allow for the nice, sweaty sliding of legs in eagle pose. Without being able to see my alignment in the mirror, I just had to feel it, I had to tune into my body more and connect on a deeper level.

It wasn’t better or worse than a regular practice. It just was.

But the most significant part of the retreat for me, was the thing that I find most significant about Bikram yoga in general – the sense of community.

I’m really shy. I’m incredibly introverted and somewhat socially awkward, though I’m getting a little better. I was nervous about a “group vacation” with group meals and group excursions and just so damn much togetherness.

But it was such joy to meet this group of yogis. What fun it was to sit around at dinner and geek out on the nuances of spinal alignment and quad strength. How wonderful to share our passion and learn about studios in other parts of the world. What a great feeling to come home and have 20 new yogi friends.

Big pile of yogis

We were students, teachers and studio owners. Some of us had been practicing for decades, others had discovered the practice just six months ago. But we were all bonded by this love of yoga. We shared stories of how the hot room had healed our broken backs and broken hearts. It was a pretty special thing.

I think I’m still processing this retreat, so expect more stories to come. I HAVE to tell you guys about the sweat lodge…

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Yoga retreat in Tulum, Mexico

Tags

Esak Garcia, Francisco Morales Bermudez, Mexico, Tulum, yoga retreat

Husband and I are leaving soon for our first yoga retreat.

I’m so excited I can’t stand it. Apparently, the place we are staying in Tulum looks like this:

Photo courtesy of Esak Garcia

We’ll be staying in a little hut, doing Bikram yoga in the morning, eating yummy, healthy food for lunch and spending the afternoon swimming in caves and napping on the beach. We will also be playing around with Synergy, which is a combination of Thai massage and partner yoga, which I absolutely love!

It sounds like heaven.

The trip will be led by Esak Garcia and Francisco Morales Bermudez, two devoted yogis and all around good guys. I am so thrilled to be able to learn from both of them.

The trip is not a yoga intensive, we’re not there to get competitive. It’s simply a way to share the spirit of yoga in an enchanting, meaningful place. Tulum was one of the last places inhabited by the Mayans, so it seems to have a bit of magic about it. There is very limited electricity at our eco-lodge, offering the chance to really unplug and focus on being in the moment.

I’m so excited to be able to have this experience – I promise to bring back lots of photos to share.

Have you been on a yoga/wellness retreat? Any tips?

Namaste, yogis!

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Back bending in the Big Apple

Tags

Bikram yoga, Bikram Yoga NYC, Manhattan

I recently hopped a train to New York. There was a writing conference in Manhattan and it seemed to be a good opportunity for me to be brave and embrace this writer thing.

I sound very calm and collected about the whole experience now, mostly because it was wonderful. (In fact, I ended up signing with a literary agent I met at the conference, so score one for being brave!) But before I went, I was a hot mess. This whole idea of embracing your authenticity is nice and all, but it can be really damn terrifying.

Many, many friends listened to me freak out about how nervous I was about going to this conference –  where I would know no one, needed to make the dreaded “small talk” and was scheduled to spend a horrific 90 minutes in a “Pitch Slam” which is like speed dating where you pitch your book idea to agents.

Essentially, it triggered every anxiety I’ve ever had.

But somehow I made it through. The response to my book was very positive and I actually had fun and learned something.

And how did I reward myself for surviving something called a Pitch Slam?? 90 minutes in the NYC Bikram Torture Chamber, of course!

Oh, how I love travel yoga. I love seeing the difference in studios, yet having the stability of the same 26+2 postures. And this particular studio was super handy because I could just run next door after class for all of my XXX video needs.

It’s always interesting to see the little individualities of a studio. Do you turn sideways on your mat for Standing Separate Leg Stretching or not? What is the floor made of? Which side of the room is the hot side??

But regardless of how different a studio might seem, there is something other than the postures that I can always depend on while doing travel yoga.

Peace.

It’s always there, whether I’m back bending in Rome, Prague or Midtown Manhattan. I walk out with that same deep contentment, that same feeling of having my soul wrung out.

And let me tell you, after the suffering that I imposed upon myself prior to the trip, there was a lot of crap to wring out.

So, thanks again yoga, for reminding me of what I am really capable of.

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Nothing to say

Tags

Boston Marathon

I had a post all ready to go for this morning, but in light of the tragedy in Boston, I didn’t feel right posting about anything else.

But I don’t really know what I can contribute to the conversation.

I always want to say something profound and healing in times like these. I want to say something about looking for the helpers or the fact that the good people outnumber the bad. I want to say something optimistic about how we really can go on in the face of this craziness.

But today, I’m at a bit of a loss.

So, I’ll just say that I’m sorry.

I’m sorry to those people who were scared and injured and suffered unimaginable loss.

I’m sorry that the Boston Marathon now has something evil attached to it, like Virginia Tech and Oklahoma City.

I’m sorry that this is no longer the type of event that is rare.

But here’s what I’m not sorry about.

I’m not sorry that the world gets to see brave people rushing towards danger to help out fellow humans.

I’m not sorry that we can come together and show our strength and resilience in the face of tragedy.

I’m not sorry that we will take a stand to say what is acceptable in our society and what is not.

We are all together in this – in this sadness – but we can also be together in sending light and love to people everywhere who are scared, lost and brokenhearted.

Peace, peace, peace.

The day of Grace

Tags

acceptance, Grace, gratitude, guru, health, meditation, spirituality

Two years ago today, J and I walked into the SPCA, just to “look.”

We walked out with my guru.

She was a malnourished little mutt with claws so long they wrapped around and dug into the pads of her feet. She didn’t know how to play. The sound of clapping made her cower. She had terrible nightmares that left her snarling and whimpering in her sleep. Things had not been easy for this dog.

Even with that history, no one in my life has taught me more about stillness, joy, acceptance, love and indeed, grace, than Grace.

We almost didn’t adopt her. The information sheet hanging on the door of her cage read “senior.” We couldn’t imagine enduring the loss of her so soon. But one look into her blue eye, and then her brown eye, and we knew that whatever time we had with her was worth it.

We joyfully surrendered to the unknown.

When I stand in the middle of my yoga mat, I often take a moment of stillness to devote my practice to Grace. I want to show my gratitude for all that she has taught me about getting over the stuff that I hold on to from my own past. She is a master class is being present. She is the living example of everything that I try to access by bringing yoga into my life.

Happy birthday, Grace. Thank you for finding us.

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The Bikram lawsuit: gurus and the problem with celebrity

Tags

Bikram Choudhury, celebrity, lawsuit, sexual harassment

Sigh. Bikram Choudhury is being accused of sexual harassment. Again. (Ben Lorr hinted at Bikram’s rampant sexism in his wonderful book, Hell-Bent.)

Of course, Bikram is innocent until proven guilty, but let’s face it – this is a well-worn story for yoga instructors. John Friend, Swami Satchidananda and many others have dealt with similar charges.

It is truly awful that so many women have suffered because of this practice that should be grounded in wellness. I hope that they can find their peace.

The whole thing so cliché that it’s pathetic. You can almost hear the cheesy music as the yoga master gives caressing corrections to the lithe young yogi who is doing downdog in her too-sheer Lululemon yoga pants. Gag.

But Sarah Baughn’s accusations go way beyond that and it’s shameful for those of us who love this practice.

But, to me, that is an important distinction. I love the practice. The man who coined the practice, who gave it his name and trademarked it and bought a fleet of luxury cars because of it – I am allowed to have a different view of him. Yoga has taught me about balance and how to get comfortable with the gray areas so I can hold this discrepancy.

I’m devoted to the practice. I make no excuses for the man.

But what it the real problem here? Yes, these yoga dudes can’t keep it in their pants, but why? (And no, I will not give any credit to the studies that say that yoga increases testosterone and blood flow to the genitals and that’s why these guys are acting like crazed rabbits – that’s a cop-out.)

I think it’s because of the really messed up relationship our society has with fame, celebrity and charisma. We get way too excited about it. We revere our celebrities to the point that being famous seems to be the only worthy goal in life. We have reality shows that make people famous for doing absolutely nothing. Then, we make these charismatic people infallible and raise them up to this super-human level.

That’s a big problem because the resulting power trip fuels this sort of entitled behavior (or drug/alcohol abuse/crashing Porsches/going on bigotry-filled public rants). Famous people make mistakes and do stupid shit, just like the rest of us. We just tend to give them a higher, more influential platform from which to fall, and they tend to hurt a lot of people on the way down. We see it all the time.

I love the reminder that word guru is spelled – Gee, You Are You. You don’t need a guru to attain spiritual wellbeing. You need yourself, your breath and an understanding of your own body and mind. That’s it. A great teacher is a wonderful tool and can be a good friend, but we don’t need to give all our power away in the name of finding inner peace.

We already have everything we need.

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Lost and found: dealing with life’s disappointments

Tags

acceptance, Bikram yoga, disappointment, gratitude

It was just one of those things that happen.

You know the sort of thing. The specifics of it are unimportant because the feeling is universally understood. Feeling disappointed. Feeling rejected. Being a little lost.

It’s not the end of the world. It’s just one of those things that covers you in a cloud of sadness. It makes you feel tired and wonder why it has to be this complicated.

I wore my big sunglasses to yoga. I wondered if I could get away with wearing them in the hot room, so that no one could see that I had been crying in the car on my way to the studio.

I don’t totally understand why yoga works. Why sweating and putting my forehead to my knee reminds me of my own self worth. I don’t know why doing a back bend makes me a kinder person. I don’t know why pranayama breathing re-introduces me to myself. I don’t know why a spine twist straightens out my priorities.

But it does. Every time.

There are thousands of years of documentation of this phenomenon, complicated scriptures and impressive-sounding Sanskrit words like svadhyaya. I’ve read Patanjali…and I guess I sort of get it, in theory. But here’s the great thing, you don’t have to completely understand it for it to work. It works anyway.

It doesn’t mean that the world doesn’t beat me up anymore. It still does. I still get disheartened and whiney. I’m just able to get into the hot room and remember what it’s really all about. I bounce back much faster than I used to.

And then I get down on my knees and press my forehead to the ground and profess my undying gratitude for yoga. Because yoga wakes me up to the joyous realities of my life and encourages me to let go of everything else.

And then I promise to do it again tomorrow. Whatever it is.

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Fly away: a Synergy partner yoga workshop

Tags

flying, partner yoga, synergy, thai massage, trust

My husband J and I, flying! (Many thanks to Lizzie Clark for the photos.)

Remember when you were a kid and you would play airplane? Remember when you’d soar through the air, arms flung wide and you’d giggle and squeal and feel like you could fly forever?

Yeah. Me, too.

But then I grew up. I learned to be anxious and I learned not to trust people and I worried about falling on my face, both figuratively and literally.

So, a few years ago, when my studio posted the information for a partner yoga workshop, my grown up (anxious, untrusting, worried) self said it wasn’t really my thing.

I can’t do that. I can’t fly anymore.

But somehow, when the partner yoga sign-up sheet appeared again, I got up the guts to do the thing I used to do when I was five years old and invincible.

J and I had so much fun. Can’t you tell??

The workshop was a Synergy class taught by Francisco Morales Bermudez and it was a combination of partner stretching, flying and Thai massage. Class was held in our Bikram studio but the heat was turned off. About 6 pairs of yogis attended, twisting and stretching and flying and getting one hell of an ab workout.

I tried to fly J, but our considerable height/weight differences posed something of an issue. So Francisco flew him. Look at J, rocking out bow pose!!

Later, Fransisco flew me and flipped me around so I didn’t even know which way was up! I’m laughing here because he had just shoved his toe in my ear. You get very…um…comfortable…with your flying partner!

So it all worked out well, even though right before class started I was feeling very nervous and shy. I was at my home-away-from-home yoga studio, but it all felt so different. This was no standard 26+2 posture class. What if I wasn’t strong enough? What if I looked silly? What if I fell and hurt myself?

All those things could have happened — but none of them did.

What happened is that I remembered that I am stronger and more capable that I thought I was. I remembered that through communication, balance, presence and breath, I can work with my partner in a new way. I remembered how to try stuff and roll around on the ground and giggle.

It was the most wonderful afternoon and it reminded me of the important wisdom of my five-year old self.

Let go. Have fun. Play. Fly.

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Cry it out: accepting compassion

Tags

acceptance, Compassion

A friend of mine recently went through a hard time.

I reached out to her, expecting to be waved away amongst a flurry of “I’m fine” and “Don’t worry about it.”

That’s not what she did. She allowed me to sit with her while she cried. She let me hold her hand and rub her back, even though there was absolutely nothing that I could do to fix the situation.

But the fact that she let me sit with her was such a kindness – to me. I knew I couldn’t make it all better, but simply allowing the connection between us was good for us both.

Her willingness to accept my compassion and love was one of the most beautiful displays of strength I have seen in a really long time.

We talk a lot about giving compassion but we forget about how important it is to receive it.

How many times have I denied someone who was trying to help me? How many times have I pretended that I wasn’t crying and that I was okay when clearly – I was not? How many times have I refused a favor and rejected a complement or generous word? How many times have I shut down love that someone was trying to show me?

Many, many times. Because I thought it would make me look weak.

I think that people are so focused on being independent and self-sufficient that we assume any kind of acceptance of compassion means that we are lacking in emotional strength. But that’s so wrong.

It’s easy to shut down and be impermeable and say you are fine when you know it’s a lie. That’s the cop-out. The real power is in letting people in.

So next time you are struggling, in the yoga studio, at home, at work, be open to people who are reaching out to you. I bet they’ll be there for you. And if you look around and you don’t see anyone there  - write to me.

Peace, peace, peace.

—————————————————

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Scuba diving lessons for yoga

Tags

Bikram yoga, Breathing, mindfulness, scuba diving

I was young when I learned how to Scuba dive. The minimum age for diving was 13, but I somehow convinced my dad to lie to the dive master, since I was only 11.

Dad and I took the class together. I read the books and studied the colorful charts that the teacher pointed to in the dive shop. I learned about buoyancy compensators and decompression sickness. I learned the hand-signals. I was good to go.

We did our test dive in the pool at the YMCA. The first moment of being able to breathe underwater was mind-blowing, a whole new world opened up for me. Each inhale was a revelation. I was mesmerized by the bubbles that danced up to the surface when I exhaled. It was not something they could have explained in the textbook. My breath became an absolute wonder.

I’ve always had ear problems and as the dive master swam with me down to the deep end of the pool, my ears started to hurt from the pressure. He signaled for me to try to clear them, but it didn’t work. I panicked, forgot I could breathe underwater and tried to catapult myself up to the surface.

The dive master grabbed my arm.

He shook his head – No

He put his palm up in front of my face – Stop

He pointed to the regulator in my mouth, which was providing me oxygen – Breathe. 

He made me just stay there for a moment. He locked eyes with me as my panic dissipated and I started to take smooth, long breaths. He signaled that I should try popping my ears again. This time it worked.

I was in the Bkram yoga hot room the other day and I was convinced there was just no air. I was dizzy, my heart was pounding and I wanted to quit and bolt up to the surface. Suddenly, that dive master from 20 years ago popped into my head, his bug-eyed mask was right in front of me again.

No.

Stop.

Breathe. 

All I needed was right there, I just forgotten that it was accessible. I forgot what a wonder my breath was and that I could just be present with it and watch the bubbles dance. I could just chose to be still.

I had forgotten what I was capable of.

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