Meditation Intervention

Tags

acceptance, meditation, mindfulness, Monkey mind, relationships, spirituality

This week, I’m going to do a Meditation Intervention with a friend of mine.

This is not because I’m The World’s Best Meditator or anything. She asked me to share my experience and offer advice, since I’m familiar with this particular stretch of turbulent waters. I’ve been fumbling my way through the often frustrating landscape of meditation for a while now.

My friend is an incredibly strong person, who has recently gone through difficult things that give me heart palpitations even thinking about. She has been doing some meditation, but she’s feeling pretty stuck at the moment.

I’m sure this sounds very familiar to all you meditators. We’ve all been there…bogged down by Monkey Mind and feeling like we are just not good at meditation. We think we are weak-willed or doing it wrong or just inherently incapable. Worst of all, we say the most horrible things to ourselves about what this apparent failure means about our character.

So, I’m going to try to shake some self-compassion into her – because here’s the thing:

Meditation is our natural state, we’ve just forgotten how to linger there.

Stillness, presence, awareness – look at any other animal in the natural world and you’ll see that they are constantly living in that state. We are the only animals that have misplaced that skill. It’s there somewhere, lost amongst the clutter of incoming texts and deadlines and trips to the DMV. We simply need to practice getting that stillness back, but our culture is so far removed from those natural skills that getting it back is really hard.

We spend decades learning to multi-task, use our critical thinking skills and plan ahead…which is all great.

But we almost never practice getting our brain to shut the hell up.

I confess: I am not a great meditator. It’s not like I sit down and it’s all stillness and light in there. I have to work – hard. It takes a lot of focus and energy for me to center myself for even 50% of the time that I am sitting on my meditation cushion.

Have I mentioned that I have had a daily meditation practice for 7 years?

Nevertheless, this is something that I have committed myself to, because of what it does for the rest of my life. It’s like to going to the gym. You don’t go to the gym to be really good at going to the gym. You go to the gym because it makes you healthier for the rest of your life outside of the gym.

Meditation is the same way. I might not spend my 25 minutes in the morning in a perfect state of bliss. I might have to chase down my mind, like I’m chasing after a puppy in a theme park. I might have itches and kinks and a really annoying eyelash in my eye. I just need to surrender to all of that.

Because regardless of how that all goes, the process of sitting down with the intention of being in stillness always causes me to spend the rest of my day in a greater sense of awareness.

Always.

So, I’m not entirely sure what I’ll say to my friend for our Meditation Intervention. There is no magic bullet for this stuff, but maybe I’ll start with this:

Meditation is one of those things you simply can’t fail at. The only failure is in being unkind and giving up on yourself.

——–

In case you are looking for a little motivation or inspiration, these are books that I really like:

Wherever You Go, There You Are – Jon Kabat-Zinn Ph.D:

He’s a molecular biologist, you can’t get much more straight shooting than that. He has an entire center dedicated to the proven medical benefits of meditation (or mindfulness, as he calls it, so that people don’t get intimidated). You can’t go wrong with any of his books.

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook – Edmund J. Bourne:

This is the first book my therapist started me off with when she recommended meditation for my panic attacks. It has clear directions for anxiety reducing techniques and short writing exercises.

Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation – Sharon Salzberg:

Perfect for beginners. I love this one because it’s a 28 day program that comes with a CD of 15 minute guided meditations.

After the Ecstasy, the Laundry – Jack Kornfield:

Besides that it’s an awesome title, this book has some great thoughts on waking up to our life.

When Things Fall Apart (or really anything) by Pema Chodron:

Particularly wonderful if you are dealing with specific challenges.

10% Happier – Dan Harris:

This is a great book for the cynic or the person who is convinced they can’t meditate. There are some things I don’t love about the book, but it explains complicated concepts very clearly.

Also, anything by Thich Nhat Hanh, Sylvia Boorstein or Eckhart Tolle.

And if you are looking for guided mediations, check out these from the University of Virginia Mindfulness Center.

 

Some of my favorite meditation posts:

• Meditations on Meditating
  
• Meditation information: umm, what are we doing??
  
• Why you should meditate even if you suck at it
• How my iPhone reminds me to remember
• Stillness training
• Relieving stress by sleeping with the troops

 

Hippos on the floor

Tags

Bikram yoga, gratitude, judgement, life choices, mindfulness, spirituality

After a yoga class the other day, a woman went up to our teacher and said,

“I was kind of surprised that you referred to us as hippos. It seemed mean and unlike you.”

Our teacher was horrified. “What? When??”

In floor bow, you said “arms up, legs up, everything up. Only hippos are still on the floor.”

Our teacher smiled and reassured her that she had said “only hip bones are still on the floor. Not hippos.”

And everyone laughed because it was a cute misunderstanding and we went on our way.

But something startling occurred to me. How ready are we to hear something terrible about ourselves? How quick are we to assume the worst and only hear the negative?

I am guilty of this. Give me 100 complements and I’ll only remember the one thing that was not so glowing. That’s the one that will wake me up in the night and leave me cringing and sweating at 2AM.

This is something that I am trying to change. It’s easy to go out of my way to see the best aspects of other people, but when it comes to myself, I tend to be deaf to any praise that might be aimed at me. I’m much more likely to assume someone just called me a hippo.

I love the Three Jewels and it’s part of my daily meditation and gratitude prayers. I especially love this part:

I take refuge in the dharma, the spiritual teachings. I commit myself to the truth as it is.

Because dharma can mean the words of the Buddha and it can also mean the absolutely clear nature of reality. We can make up all kinds of drama to go along with life, we can imagine that he gave me a nasty look or she called me the third largest land mammal on the planet. We can put a negative spin on experiences and get all worked up about them – or we can remove that lens and see the truth as it is.

Acknowledge, accept and then let it go.

It’s a choice.

And when I’m being mindful, I chose that joyful surrender to the truth. It’s way better than being called a hippo.

————————————–

You might also like:

• You’re not a yogi just because you do yoga
  
• Down dogs in the night: yoga for insomnia
  
• Yoga: the good person and the bad person
  

The day of Grace

Tags

acceptance, Grace, gratitude, guru, health, meditation, spirituality

Two years ago today, J and I walked into the SPCA, just to “look.”

We walked out with my guru.

She was a malnourished little mutt with claws so long they wrapped around and dug into the pads of her feet. She didn’t know how to play. The sound of clapping made her cower. She had terrible nightmares that left her snarling and whimpering in her sleep. Life had not been easy for this dog.

Even with that history, no one in my life has taught me more about stillness, joy, acceptance, love and indeed, grace, than Grace.

We almost didn’t adopt her. The information sheet hanging on the door of her cage read “senior.” We couldn’t imagine enduring the loss of her so soon. But one look into her blue eye, and then her brown eye, and we knew that whatever time we had with her was worth it.

We joyfully surrendered to the unknown.

When I stand in the middle of my yoga mat, I often take a moment of stillness to devote my practice to Grace. I want to show my gratitude for all that she has taught me about getting over the stuff that I hold on to from my own past. She is a master class is being present. She is the living example of everything that I try to access by bringing yoga into my life.

Happy birthday, Grace. Thank you for finding us.

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• Life lessons from a dog: luxury
  
• Life lessons from a dog: gratitude
  
• Life lessons from a dog: shifting light
  

Why you should meditate even if you suck at it

Tags

meditation, Monkey mind, spirituality

Because it’s better than watching another episode of House Hunters International.

Because even three seconds of stillness is better than no seconds of stillness.

Because sitting down to meditate sets the intention – and intention is everything.

Because little by little, your concentration will improve.

Because you feel incredible after.

Because you probably don’t suck at it.

Because science (and Buddha) says it’s good for you.

Because it’s important to be alone for a little while each day.

Because it’s good to occasionally disconnect from email, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

Because there is a great relief in stopping the deluge of thoughts, or at least realizing they are just thoughts – repetitive, unhelpful thoughts – and not the real you.

Because you’ll find that when you meditate, mindfulness creeps into the rest of your life. You will remember to breathe deeply and be in the moment as you are moving through your day. I believe that is the whole purpose of life – to wake up and be truly present for it.

Because once in a while you can hear that little voice deep inside you, the one that tells you the truth about everything and guides you in the right direction. But you have to be very quiet to hear it.

Because it’s like brushing your teeth. It might not be fun or sexy but it’s going to make the rest of your life, and the lives of those around you, much better.

So for all those reasons and a million more, I’ll be meditating today.

—————–

You might also like:

• Meditation information: setting up a space
  
• Meditation information: umm, what are we doing??
  
• Om Mani Padme – wait, what was that?
  

Meditation information: umm, what are we doing??

Tags

meditation, mindfulness, Monkey mind, spirituality

So, let’s continue our meditation chat, shall we?

You have your space all organized and you have something to comfy sit on and your timer.

Pick an amount of time that seems not terrifying. Is it 3 minutes? 5? 25? Whatever it is, set your timer.

Now you have some choices. These are all meditation methods that I have used and liked – of course there are many others, but these are my go-to techniques. I tend to bounce around between them, depending on my mood.

Watching the breath. Just sit there and breathe. Feel how the breath feels at the nostrils and how the belly and chest move in and out. Put all your concentration on the incredibly vital  – and constantly overlooked – miracle of the breath.

Count the breath. Inhale one, exhale one, inhale two, exhale two – and continue until you get to 10. Start over again at one.

Use a mantra. I like Om Mani Padme Hum. You can use any word that makes you feel good. “Peace”, “love”, “just here, just now” :) are all good options. Repeat and place your focus on the sounds and the physical feeling that the words create in your body. Using a mala can be helpful here, too. This is a string with 108 beads on it. You say the manta once, then move your fingers along to the next bead. It’s a nice tactile thing to keep your attention.

Lovingkindness meditation. Start with yourself – say “May I be well. Be happy. Be healthy. Live with ease.” (If you are uncomfortable with giving kindness to yourself, consider it to be like the airline requiring you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Only when you are in a good place, can you be of help others.) Then move on to those people you love. “May _______ be well. Be happy. Be healthy. Live with ease.” Then, move to those you don’t know. Those who annoy the hell out of you. And then to all sentient beings.

Use a guided meditation. There are some great ones on iTunes podcasts and as a apps. Most are free. The University of Virginia has a wonderful Mindfulness Center and they have some free guided meditations on their website as well.

See what might work for you – when I started, I found the guided meditations and mantras to be best, because I needed all the help I could get. The constant re-directing of my mind was helpful.

Do this every day. Carve out time for yourself. Even if it’s just for one, single, solitary minute.

Here is the important part – YOUR MIND WILL WANDER!

It will flip out and tell you that you can’t do this and it’s stupid. That’s fine. That is what minds do. Commit to sit there until your timer is done. No matter what happens.

I like to think of my mind as a puppy. Have you ever trained a puppy? You have to be compassionate and kind but firm. When my mind is chewing on everything and peeing on the carpet, I simply and patiently bring it back – time after time. The puppy will get scared and obstinate if I get mad and yell. If I give up, I’ll have to live with this unruly creature forever.

My most major realization came when it hit me that if I can hear myself thinking, I must be something other than my thoughts. I am not my mind. I can get it under control, but it takes patience and determination. My mind had 30 years to run amuck and it’s going to give me some grief about sitting still.

People tend to think that the goal of mediation is to be in this blissful, thought-free state of Nirvana for hours. I guess perhaps some people can do that. I’m not one of them.

The goal of meditation is to notice when your attention has wandered and bring it back.

That’s all. Because the moment of noticing when you have floated off to worrying about that email you need to send later – that is the epic moment. That’s when you can change your mind.

Some days I sit for meditation and my mind runs all over the place and I get only five seconds of watching the breath. That is still success.

Because when I make the space in my life to be still, when I set the intention to train my puppy and when it sits, even for one moment – I have done something hugely important. Each moment that I am present means that my awareness is cracked open and that is something to build on.

This meditation stuff is not for the faint of heart. Your mind will throw everything possible in your way. You will fight demons and monsters that have been lingering under your bed since childhood. Ugly things will come up that you wish would stay buried.

But if you choose to keep with it, if you decide that you are stronger than your run-away thoughts and emotions, you can gain a sense of power and peace that is unequaled.

You get to be one of those people who understands that your mind is just the surface, that it can be tricked and cruel and just downright wrong. You get to go deeper and find out who you really are beneath the endless loop of judgmental criticisms of yourself and others. You get to get it.

I will readily admit that after 4 years of meditation practice, I am not quite there yet. But I’ve seen glimpses of it. And it is so damn beautiful I can hardly stand it.

Want more? There are so many amazing books about meditation. Here are some of my favorites:

Wherever You Go There You Are – Jon Kabat-Zinn
Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation – Sharon Salzberg
When Things Fall Apart – Pema Chodron
The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation – Thich Nhat Hanh

I still consider myself to be a beginning meditator but I’d be happy to answer any questions about meditation or my experiences. And I’d love to hear about your trials, tribulations and joys with meditation – so come back and tell me how it went!

You might also like: 

• Meditation information: setting up a space
• Meditations on Meditating
• Simple, but not easy: meditation

Meditation information: setting up a space

Tags

health, meditation, mindfulness, spirituality

Meditation is hard.

I know so many people who sit for meditation once, watch their brain bounce off the walls for a while and then quit, saying that their mind is just too busy.

I hate to break it to them – but their mind is not special. Everyone’s mind is that busy.

Meditation is really hard. That doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong or you shouldn’t do it at all. That would be like saying that you can’t take piano lessons because you can’t play Mozart.

Of course you can’t get your mind quiet. You haven’t been trained yet. And by the way, training takes about 20 years. I’ve been meditating for 4 years and I’m lucky if my mind is still for 10-15 minutes out of a 30 minute session.

So, why do it if it’s so hard? Because the rewards are epic. Seriously epic.

It seems that science is finally catching up with the Buddha. I could write pages on all the research about how meditators (who have been meditating for as little as 8 weeks, for 25 minutes a day) have better tolerance for stress and pain. They have measurable changes in the cerebral cortex and are just better able to deal with the complexities of life.

So, all that is great, but personally, I find that my meditation practice is just about the most fundamental thing I do with my day. Everything else goes more smoothly when I make time to get quiet. My priorities get realigned and I feel more peaceful even during the stressful parts of my day.

All you need to meditate effectively is the desire to do it. All you need to do to start — is to start.

Choosing a meditation space is really the first step. Of course, you can just plop down anywhere and meditate, but setting up a dedicated location and including some ritual has been very helpful for maintaining my routine. My space is a small one, in the corner of my bedroom. (I have spent hours on Pinterest coming up with a fabulous design for the elaborate meditation room I will someday have, but for now I’m perfectly happy meditating next to my closet door.)

Luckily, Grace has learned to lie quietly next to me while I mediate — but if you can find a private space and keep pets, kids and spouses out of your hair for a while, it is enormously helpful. Mostly, you just want to sit somewhere you can breathe and not stare at piles of laundry or bills.

I don’t have much in my space, just a small table with a few things that I love. I have a small statue of Ganesha (pictured above) and another one of Buddha. I have a candle, some incense, my mala, some rocks I brought home from South Africa and a feather Husband gave me when I was having a particularly bad day. You don’t need any of that for a meditation practice, but I find that I like to have things that make me happy and prep me for peace.

What you do need is something comfy to sit on, otherwise you are setting yourself up to a twitchy, achy fail. You need to elevate your hips a little and support your spine. I love my Samadhi cushion but a regular couch cushion or even a rolled up yoga mat works well, too. If you have back issues, you might be more comfortable in a chair or lying down.

I use the free Mindfulness app on my iPhone, but you can use anything to time your mediations. I find a timer to be very helpful in setting my goals and allowing me to feel accomplished when that little bell chimes.

I’ll do another post and we’ll talk about what we’re actually doing when we meditate. For now, just pick out your space and if you want any tools, like a timer or cushion, get those together. Then we’ll start increasing that gray matter!

(Do you already have a meditation practice? What is your space like??)

You might also like: 

• Relieving stress by sleeping with the troops
• Meditations on Meditating
• Simple, but not easy: meditation

Yogis supporting yogis: McKinley’s training campaign

Tags

Bikram yoga, community, spirituality

Photo courtesy of ilovesweat.com.

I had this whole other post ready to go for today and then I heard about this. So, we’ll talk about meditation later…

Did you know that someone can be really kind, generous and supportive to complete strangers via Twitter? No? Then maybe you don’t know McKinley. That’s him, rocking out Standing Head to Knee in that glorious photo above.

(I’ll let you take a moment to stare in awe and appreciation.)

McKinley was a very early supporter of Just here. Just now. He was my first non-family Like on Facebook. He was my welcoming committee to the online yoga community.

McKinley wants to be a Bikram yoga teacher. Everyone wants McKinley to be a Bikram yoga teacher. Bikram should want McKinley to be a yoga teacher.

And he’s ready: he’s practiced everyday for 2 years – without a day off.

(I’ll let you take another moment of awe and appreciation for that piece of information.)

But there remains the pesky issue that training is hella pricey.

McKinley has started an online campaign to help fund teacher training. You can buy I LOVE SWEAT stickers, tank tops/t-shirts/hoodies hand screened by the yogi himself. Or you can make a straight up donation should you feel inclined.

Check out his video explaining his love for yoga and his website I Love Sweat to see his beautiful photographs, artwork and blog. Cazbaz also has a great interview with McKinley if you want to know a little more about the man behind that awesome Toe Stand.

Times are tough, so if you can’t donate, please re-tweet and re-post and let’s see if we can make this dream happen for one very deserving yogi.

Namaste.

You might also like: 

• Pranayama: the art of breathing
• Stillness training

If you’re terrified, you’re doing it right: authenticity

Tags

acceptance, community, Monkey mind, spirituality, yoga

Being your true self can be scary. It requires stripping down, being vulnerable and opening yourself up in a way that can hurt like hell.

I wish that embracing my authenticity always felt empowering and wonderful. But these days I’m not feeling very Norma Rae about it all. It seems downright treacherous.

Some days, I wonder why I try.

I love writing. My soul is a writer. However, the idea of other people reading – and possibly criticizing – my writing makes me want to crawl into a very small cave and stay there forever. I am so grateful for this little community that has gathered around Just here. Just now and I am so thankful for the beautiful support y’all have shown me. But it does terrify me to know that you are out there, reading my words. You people scare me just a little. (But thanks for coming. Seriously.)

I’m writing a book.

There. I said it.

It’s been something of a secret book so far, but over the weekend, I let Husband read a very early pre-first draft. When he was finished he said nice things about it. I responded by yelling at him, calling him a liar and sobbing until I couldn’t breathe.

It was not my prettiest moment.

It’s hard to put yourself out there with something that is precious to you. It’s painful to be that exposed. It’s always at that most tender moment that my relentless Monkey Mind swings on over, gets in my face and says - you’re writing a book?? HA! That’s dumb. You’re dumb.

The trouble is that I believe that very persuasive little monkey and it makes me want to chuck my first 150 pages out the window because I don’t want to be a failure.

If I looked at yoga the same way, I’d never go to class. Because through that obscured lens, I could say that every time I go to yoga I “fail” at certain postures. I can’t do the full expression, or I fall out of the pose seven times in 30 seconds. If I looked at my yoga practice the way I see my writing practice — it seems quite ridiculous.

I try to remember that lovely Bikramism:

As long as you are giving 100% effort, you will receive 100% of the benefit.

So, every day I sit down and tap away at the book, word by word. I am learning and finding my voice and speaking my truth. That growth is worthwhile, even if every publisher in the country tells me my book sucks. Even if this process is just for me — there is value there, if I remember to cherish the present moment and just write. Simply because my soul has to write.

What is it that your authentic self needs to do? Maybe you need to sing. Or move to the front row of your yoga class. Or get your resume together for that new job opening. Or finally get some paint on that canvas.

I don’t know what scares the hell out of you but I’ll bet there is something wonderful, authentic and valuable there.

So, let’s all try to be brave and own our authenticity. Let’s be brave enough to stand up on a table like Norma Rae. Let’s stand there with stillness and confidence and hold up a sign that declares to the world – this is who I am.

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• Hate soup: dealing with the inner mean girl
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Relieving stress by sleeping with the troops

Tags

community, meditation, mindfulness, spirituality, yoga, Yoga nidra

Every Friday afternoon, I go to a friend’s house to sleep with the troops.*

You know…to relax.

We practice yoga nidra, a sort of yogic meditation and we often fall asleep. This is not frowned upon, it’s actually a sign that you are in the proper state of relaxation. Even the snoring is O.K.

This particular meditation is based on the iRest program which is making great strides in assisting returning war vets with post-traumatic stress disorder. It also helps with chronic pain, insomnia and chemical dependency. Nicholas Kristof recently shed light on the high rate of suicide of veterans and the iRest program is devoted to helping vets deal with trauma and pain. It is now being implemented in VA hospitals, homeless shelters, hospice and military bases.

I should take a moment to clarify that I am not a vet. I am a Canadian and pacifist, the sight of a gun makes me burst into tears, and there are all kinds of other reasons why I am absolutely unfit for service. But the teacher of my recent yoga philosophy class teaches yoga nidra, and so I have joined in with the lovely men and women in uniform.

There are many reasons that I love this class.

First, we pile ourselves up with a million pillows, blankets and bolsters and get as comfy as possible. The whole point is to get into a neutral position, so that you forget you even have a body. It’s a little different from my Bikram class!

Second, I am thrilled to pieces that meditation and the military are coming together. I get giddy at the idea that meditation practices are becoming more mainstream and accessible. There is no reason that this ancient wisdom can’t be used by anyone, regardless of any religious or political affiliation. This is not woo-woo, out-there hippie stuff. It’s legit and scientifically proven.

Third, I am learning some really awesome varieties of meditation. I have a pretty simple home meditation practice of watching my breath. Yoga nidra involves some visualization, a little chanting, body scans and lots of different kinds of pramayama breathing. It’s all great stuff to have in my meditation tool box for when my Monkey Mind gets particularly cagey.

When I come out of class the feeling is impossible to fully explain. It’s a renewal. It’s a reconnection with something that’s always been there.  It’s a lightness like I’ve never felt before. It’s the kind of relaxation that stays with me. It feels like it’s changing me, on some deep, structural level.

It’s easy to skip my meditation at home and think it’s no big deal. It’s easy to get distracted and allow other things to take priority. It’s easy to think I should be productive and not just sit there for half an hour.

I’m reminded as I go every Friday to sleep with my new friends, that it’s all much deeper than that.

*Husband does not find this line to be nearly as entertaining as I do.

You might also like: 

• Meditations on meditating
• Sitting with a friend

Just now now: sunset stillness

Tags

gratitude, juicing, meditation, spirituality

Just now now: a photo representing the past week; a visual gratitude journal, of sorts.

Last night, I came home from yoga to see this sunset over the Blue Ridge Mountains. I watched from my front porch and listened to the ducks laughing on the pond.

For a moment, my mind drifted away to getting worked up about what that guy said and what am I going to do about that situation.

But really — as I watched this gorgeous wondrous sky with my healthy, happy little family — who am I kidding?

This is awesome. And I am grateful.

It set off this chain of conscious choices based in gratitude and presence. Made a juice for dinner instead of foraging for a combo of pretzels and dark chocolate from the cupboard. I worked on my quilt and listened to music instead of getting sucked into another Bravo marathon. I meditated instead of messing around on Twitter.

If nature can do this phenomenal thing, the least I can do is not waste the evening.

Hope your weekend is awe-inspiring, too.

You might also like:

• Just juice: fasting on moon days
• Life lessons from a dog: shifting light