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When I was nineteen, I had this boyfriend. I was obsessed with him. On the rare occasions that we weren’t together, I was talking about him ad nauseam. I dropped all my friends and most of my life to be with him. I clung so tightly. The desperation made me feel miserable and made him feel trapped. It was totally unhealthy and it ended poorly.
I used to cling to yoga this way. When I say “used to” I mean…like…a month ago.
I’ve been on a forced yoga hiatus and I have to say, it’s been wonderful for me.
The reason I clung so tightly – to both the boyfriend and the yoga – was that I didn’t trust that they would always really be there for me. I worried that they would reject me, or maybe I would be the one to get bored and need something new. I was hanging on for dear life in an attempt to keep things status quo.
But it seems that I’ve grown up a little and learned some things. Things like:
“You only lose what you cling to.” ~Buddha
This break from Bikram class has allowed me to step back and create a more healthy relationship with yoga. There is no need to cling. I can hold it softly, lightly, without crushing it. I can take a break without threatening the survival of my yoga.
It is intertwined into every part of my life, it is a part of me and always will be. There is no need to prove to anyone that I’m a yogi – I don’t even need to prove it to myself. I can trust it. I can relax.
Because yoga is about so much more than just asana practice. It is the way I live my life. It’s the 8 Limbs. It’s pranayama and ahimsa and meditation. It’s what I choose to eat and the way I choose to see the world. It’s all yoga.
I’m glad to be back to the asana practice after my hiatus. I missed it and I missed my yogi community. Walking into that hot room after 3 weeks away felt like a big giant hug. My practice is not as strong as it was before I took the break but that doesn’t bother me in the slightest. My relationship with the yoga is different. It’s deeper. More settled. There is a stillness and a security that is new. This is no fling; we’re in it for the long haul.
For richer or poorer.
In sickness and in health.
Until death do us part.
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Thank you!!! Just what I needed right now! “I am a yogi” and I have the rest of my life:)
Love it!!!
Isn’t that a great feeling?? Namaste to you, yogi!
Loved your post!
Thank you!!
I loved this. Beautifully said. I’m afraid I’m doing the same thing — being obsessed and that it will be something I burn out on.
Thanks so much. What I think is most interesting about this, is that it doesn’t even really require a break from class – just a change of perspective. I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! Namaste.
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“This is not a fling…” Love it.
Thank you!
I identify with this post so much right now. I came back to practicing Bikram regularly this past February and for about 6 months I was completely obsessed with going. I found myself changing into my yoga clothes in the bathroom at work so I could race across town the moment I got out of a meeting just so I wouldn’t miss a single day. I got really sick back in October and since then have only been practicing about 4 times a week. At first I was completely wracked with guilt and definitely afraid that going less would eventually mean not going at all. I am working on accepting that slowing down is okay.
I’m so glad you found the post useful. I think it’s so easy to get obsessed – it’s such an incredible practice! But slowing down is absolutely okay. More than okay.
And PS – Four times a week is still totally rocking it. : )