Life lessons from a dog: accepting the past

Tags

gratitude, life lessons, mindfulness

My sweet rescue dog is haunted by her old life.

Literally.

She has frequent and terrible nightmares.

My other dogs had active dreams. The feet run, the jaws twitch excitedly; classic chasing-the-bunny dreams.

This is different. Grace trembles and shakes. She snarls and pulls her lips back to bare her teeth. She barks and cries out. It’s heartbreaking to watch and we wake her gently, calling her new name and bringing her back to her new life.

As someone who suffers from nightmares that send me running screaming out of my bedroom, I can relate.

We all have things in our lives that our subconscious stubbornly clings to. We can think we are fully immersed in our new reality but often, something from the Bad Old Days remains. Whether it’s as common as the frantic feeling of being lost and late to class or something deeper and more painful, our dreams love to delve back into those memories. Wound, open. Salt, everywhere.

We are all wounded, by something.

That’s why we need to do the hard work of acknowledging the past for all it’s joys and disappointments and let it go. Accepting our lessons and grieving the losses. Forgiving and moving on.

Everything that has ever happened to Grace – or to me, or to you – has gone into the wonderful concoction that makes a unique soul. When we can thank these experiences for what they brought, both good and bad, we can heal and begin to trust the moment we are in.

Because this moment is exactly as it should be, just like all the others before it.

We can all get there, with some time and patience. Grace, too.

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Price negotiable: bartering with the universe

Tags

gratitude, prayer, Science of gratitude

Husband always calls.

But the other night, he didn’t call.

So, I launched into a negotiation.

“If he is not dead in a ditch and there is some other random reason he didn’t call, I promise I’ll never complain about anything ever again.”

Who am I bartering with? Do I really think they are so sick of hearing me bitch that they are willing to spare a life whose time is up? Am I talking to God? Am I more comfortable calling it The Universe? Powers That Be? Whoever it is, are they debating what exact price is reasonable for sparing my husband from death-by-tree? Are they thinking that if I will throw in some additional charity work, then we have a deal?

He walked through the door a few minutes later; he had forgotten his phone. And now I’m never ever allowed to be upset about anything ever again.

It’s an odd thing.

Yet, I bet you do it, too.

Do we really think that life is really so tit for tat? Totally fair and balanced? Or are we just scared and hopeful?

That rush of emotion is so strong. You know anything will be bearable as long as the biopsy results come back negative/the plane gets through the turbulence/you hear the car in the driveway.

Where does that gratitude go? Why do we lose it so quickly? More importantly, is there a way to hang on to it? Is there a way to treat every day like the day you cheated death? Because really….it is.

I’ve recently started saying a little prayer of gratitude in the morning; just as my feet hit the floor.

(A note here about the word “prayer.” It’s never been a comfortable one for me. In my experience, prayer is mostly associated with election season or a tie game. But other people have much nicer experiences with prayer and I’m trying to get to that point. Besides, other words don’t work here; it’s not really a phrase or a saying. It is a prayer, so I’ll get past semantics and just say prayer.)

My prayer is nothing fancy or elaborate, it’s just a small, heartfelt thanks for having another day to kick around on the planet and try to do something good.

The Science of Gratitude concept is getting a lot of play these days, as researchers look into the tangible results of being thankful. Will my early morning show of gratitude bring an abundance wonderfulness and joy into my life? Will it mean my bartering days are over? Who knows. All I know is that I’ve always been someone who feels better saying thank you.

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Happy holidays!

 

Hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday! Cuddle up with an egg crate (or whatever makes you happy) take a deep breath and be present –  just here, just now.

Wishing you much peace and love this season,

~Lisa

Just now now: Zimbabwe

Just now now: a photo representing the past week; a visual gratitude journal, of sorts.

“Umm…is this it?” The dubious post office clerk asked as he handed me this.

I was thrilled.

This is what a package looks like when it takes more than five months to travel almost 8,000 miles from Zimbabwe. We have friends there, and this is what their gift had to endure to travel to this side of the world.

What was inside was sweet and thoughtful and made me tear up. But I am even more grateful for the fact that when we opened it, it still smelled like Africa.

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How it’s supposed to be: letting go for the holidays

I was talking to a friend at yoga yesterday and I asked her what her plans were for the Thanksgiving holiday. I thought I was just making conversation, but turns out I hit a nerve.

She took a deep breath, then at a frantic pace and with rising tears, she told me about the drama with her family and how the plan was for them to have dinner with the in-law’s family, but her mom just called to back out and they don’t want to spend time with them.

“It’s not supposed to be that.” She sighed, “It’s supposed to be about family.”

Annnnd – let the holiday stress/guilt/anxiety begin.

We all have our holiday hang ups: those things that we think “should” be part of the season. And it usually involves whatever it is we don’t have. This time of year, I tend to get stuck on my only child-ness and get jealous of people with big families. People who have dealt with divorce wish they didn’t have that complication. People who have to travel bemoan the journey. It’s always something. And what is this whole holiday supposed to be about?? Oh yeah, gratitude. I forgot.

But the truth is that families don’t act like families do in the movies. Or if they do, it’s much more in the vein of Christmas Vacation.

As for me, my Thanksgiving holiday won’t be very traditional at all.

It’ll just be the two of us. Three, if you count the dog — and you should ALWAYS count the dog.

It’ll be vegan and there will be a reasonable amount as I refuse to make way too much food this year.

And the house will be in a complete state of chaos because life is a little hectic right now.

See if you can embrace the is-ness of this holiday, in all its hectic, un-perfect glory. Because even if it seems like it’s not how it’s supposed to be – it’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.

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Simple days by the beach

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach – waiting for a gift from the sea.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Last week, the dog and I took a little vacation to visit my grandmother in North Carolina.

November might be an unusual time for a beach vacation, but I feel like I have discovered something awesome. I’m not really a slather-up and lay-out kind of girl and ever since I was attacked by giant seaweed, I have been weary of ocean swimming. I love walking on the beach, looking for shells and meditating on the dunes. You get to do all that in November at the beach, but with practically zero other people. It’s pretty fantastic.

Also fantastic was the chance to spend some time with my Grandma. She rocks. We watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and yelled out answers, even when they were entirely wrong. I showed her my latest knitting project (she taught me how to knit) and we made my favorite kid-foods for dinner.

It was fun stuff.

It reminded me that the simplest vacations can be the best ones. The ones where there is no need to make a plan for the day. The ones where I can wake up and do yoga in the kitchen and take shamelessly long naps in the afternoon. The ones where hush puppies from the chicken place down the road make an acceptable dinner and the third episode of Bones is my cue to get ready to go to bed.

Thanks for the good times, Gramma.

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Just now now: time with family

A photo representing the past week; a visual gratitude journal, of sorts. If you have a blog and want to play along at home, please share by linking to your photo in the comments!

My husband with his dad, about 36 years ago. My husband is taller now.

Nothing marks the passing of time more accurately and profoundly than having family visit. J’s father and his wife came to visit us this week and brought some old photos.

Judging by a few fantastic details (such as the sweet, fat tie my father-in-law is sporting and the fact that my 6-month-old husband is wearing a Coors beer shirt) this was a really long time ago.

And yet, even well into our 30s, there are times when we forget that we are actual grown up people. I had to double check the math the other day when I realized I am closer to 40 than I am to 20.

I think it’s good to forget you are a grown up. I think it’s wonderful to be silly and play and not take things to seriously. It’s refreshing to have Beginners Mind and to look at the world as the miracle it is, rather than something I’ve seen every day for the past three decades.

This photo also made me wake up to the passage of time. Our stay on this planet is not infinite. Every age, every step, needs to be valued as the fleeting moment it is. You made be dying to get the the next stage or longing for the last one – but the truth is we will all pass through them as time dictates, regardless of personal preferences.

This awesome little beer-hawking guy reminded me of all that.

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