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Let’s be honest, everyone lies on their blog.

O.K., that might be an exaggeration but only a slight one. Everyone leaves things out or pretties up the truth.

I realized something disconcerting the other day. My blog makes me out to be a pretty enlightened, kick-ass yogi.

So not true.

I am trying to be an enlightened, kick-ass yogi and that is why I write about the things I do. This blog has kind of become my version of those dorky manifestation boards. But between the back-bending and the advice (hey, she asked!) I am sort of strutting around here.

So, let me clear some things up and let you in on the ugly bits.

But first, here’s a photo of me falling down.

Failed photo-shoot. Falling out of standing bow…almost to my death.

18 Reasons I am a Bad Yogi

18.  There are a lot of yoga postures in which I look like a disoriented octopus, however, you will never see photos of those. I only post pictures of the postures that look pretty and I can do kind of well. You will never see a photo of my awkward pose.

17.  The yoga tops I like best are the ones that make my cleavage look good.

16.  Sometimes I wiggle my toes a little and pretend to have a cramp so that the teacher will give me a little foot massage during savasana.

15.  I have to set up my mat and towel on the other side of the room from a certain yogi at my studio because otherwise I spend my whole practice rolling my eyes.

14.  Sometimes the only reason I go to yoga is because I want to avoid explaining to people why I didn’t go to yoga.

13.  When I do yoga at home, I get bored in about 10 minutes and can’t think of any other postures to do. Then I sit on my yoga mat and watch TV for a half an hour so it feels like I did a decent amount of yoga.

12.  If my husband is traveling, sometimes I am too lazy to shower after class and I just go to bed all sweaty.

11.  For every 20 minutes of sitting meditation I do, I have spent the previous 10 minutes having a lively internal debate about whether or not I should meditate.

10.  I’m envious of the people who come to the studio looking all cute and put together. I come to class looking homeless because I’m just going to get those clothes all sweaty, anyway.

9.  Sometimes when I do Separate Leg Head to Knee pose I look up at the rolls on my belly and I think thoughts about my body that would not count as Loving Kindness.

8.  When I go to other types of yoga studios I don’t take my Bikram yoga branded water bottle and when they ask if I’ve done yoga before I say “I dabble.” I am tired of getting shit for doing Bikram and I’m also worried they will expect me to be really good if they know I have a regular practice.

7.  I think Rabbit pose is pointless. Probably because I have made zero progress on it in two and a half years.

6.  Sometimes, Husband and I will be planning to go to yoga together and at the last-minute he has to work late. I’ll sigh really loudly and then say, “it’s O.K., no, no, I’ll stay home and we can have dinner together.” I make it seem like it’s for him but I am secretly glad and it feels like I just got a snow day.

5.  I take a month off from my Bikram practice in the summer.

4.  I get jealous when Husband gets a complement or foot walk from a teacher and I don’t.

3.  I can’t do Dancer pose and don’t think I ever will even though I really, really want to.

2. I talk about going to teacher training but I worry I am just not strong enough and that my social anxiety will kick in with a vengeance and I will have to quit.

And finally, the number 1 reason I am a bad yogi –  because I wrote this entire post in my head during class and then ran out after a very short final savasana so I could write it down on one of the little cards intended for anonymous comments.

Forgive me, Patanjali, for I have sinned.

Anyone else want to confess anything and help me feel not so alone in this?

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