Let’s be honest, everyone lies on their blog.
O.K., that might be an exaggeration but only a slight one. Everyone leaves things out or pretties up the truth.
I realized something disconcerting the other day. My blog makes me out to be a pretty enlightened, kick-ass yogi.
So not true.
I am trying to be an enlightened, kick-ass yogi and that is why I write about the things I do. This blog has kind of become my version of those dorky manifestation boards. But between the back-bending and the advice (hey, she asked!) I am sort of strutting around here.
So, let me clear some things up and let you in on the ugly bits.
But first, here’s a photo of me falling down.
18 Reasons I am a Bad Yogi
18. There are a lot of yoga postures in which I look like a disoriented octopus, however, you will never see photos of those. I only post pictures of the postures that look pretty and I can do kind of well. You will never see a photo of my awkward pose.
17. The yoga tops I like best are the ones that make my cleavage look good.
16. Sometimes I wiggle my toes a little and pretend to have a cramp so that the teacher will give me a little foot massage during savasana.
15. I have to set up my mat and towel on the other side of the room from a certain yogi at my studio because otherwise I spend my whole practice rolling my eyes.
14. Sometimes the only reason I go to yoga is because I want to avoid explaining to people why I didn’t go to yoga.
13. When I do yoga at home, I get bored in about 10 minutes and can’t think of any other postures to do. Then I sit on my yoga mat and watch TV for a half an hour so it feels like I did a decent amount of yoga.
12. If my husband is traveling, sometimes I am too lazy to shower after class and I just go to bed all sweaty.
11. For every 20 minutes of sitting meditation I do, I have spent the previous 10 minutes having a lively internal debate about whether or not I should meditate.
10. I’m envious of the people who come to the studio looking all cute and put together. I come to class looking homeless because I’m just going to get those clothes all sweaty, anyway.
9. Sometimes when I do Separate Leg Head to Knee pose I look up at the rolls on my belly and I think thoughts about my body that would not count as Loving Kindness.
8. When I go to other types of yoga studios I don’t take my Bikram yoga branded water bottle and when they ask if I’ve done yoga before I say “I dabble.” I am tired of getting shit for doing Bikram and I’m also worried they will expect me to be really good if they know I have a regular practice.
7. I think Rabbit pose is pointless. Probably because I have made zero progress on it in two and a half years.
6. Sometimes, Husband and I will be planning to go to yoga together and at the last-minute he has to work late. I’ll sigh really loudly and then say, “it’s O.K., no, no, I’ll stay home and we can have dinner together.” I make it seem like it’s for him but I am secretly glad and it feels like I just got a snow day.
5. I take a month off from my Bikram practice in the summer.
4. I get jealous when Husband gets a complement or foot walk from a teacher and I don’t.
3. I can’t do Dancer pose and don’t think I ever will even though I really, really want to.
2. I talk about going to teacher training but I worry I am just not strong enough and that my social anxiety will kick in with a vengeance and I will have to quit.
And finally, the number 1 reason I am a bad yogi – because I wrote this entire post in my head during class and then ran out after a very short final savasana so I could write it down on one of the little cards intended for anonymous comments.
Forgive me, Patanjali, for I have sinned.
Anyone else want to confess anything and help me feel not so alone in this?
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HA! brilliant. I hear you on 13 and 14!
Thanks!! So glad someone else can relate!!
Looooove this post! I am most certainly guilty of most of these, especially 8! As for 7, I probably asked questions about rabbit pose for as many years before a new teacher gave me a tip about my grip and suddenly I was hearing “good, Katie” during that pose! It didn’t feel any different but apparently I made progress, so I stopped stressing over it. As for 10, how do those same people manage to look just as put together (in a glowy sort of way, not wiped out and drenched like me) and head off to lunch or smoothies with each other – without even showering! as for their clothes, I guess they have better shopping sense than I do. My comfy clothes just have to be comfy, not coordinated! 🙂 FWIW, I don’t think you’re a “bad yogi”, just a REAL one!
Thank you so much! Good to know Rabbit is challenging for others, too. I don’t know how people go do social things after class, either!! I always look very…pink. 🙂
Lisa, I’m CRYING laughing. I love this . and I have so much to say:
1. I have plantar fascitis and my arches cramp excrutiatingly through most of the standing postures and I have to stop and rub them often, so the next time I see you get a foot massage instead of me, I will blow up. lol
2. As guilty as I am of many ‘bad yogi’ things, I will never ever not shower before bed after Bikram. That’s gross. LOL
3. I hated Rabbit with a passion for 5.5 years. Then one day I told Kirk I had a massive headache, and he told me Rabbit would help it. I didn’t really believe him and looked forward to calling him out. But it was the first time I went into Rabbit with purpose (just to prove him wrong) and I was MYSTEFIED when my headache IMMEDIATELY went away. Ever since then, I have been noticing my improvement in Rabbit, and how it makes me feel better (when before it made me want to puke). So, there ya have it.
4. I want to go to teacher training with all my heart and soul but I’m too afraid of being poor afterwards. How NOT yogi is that?
Thank you for this 🙂 You made my Friday!
Nadia, your comment cracked me up!! Good to know about Rabbit…perhaps I’ll start giving it the benefit of the doubt. I’ve often tried to prove Kirk wrong, but damnit, it hasn’t happened yet. Thanks and see you soon!!
You are definitely NOT alone with this!
I don’t post much about failing to go to class on my blog, because a) it’s not strictly a yoga blog and b) if I don’t post it, it’s not as true haha
Also, because I feel really down about my practice at the moment and I don’t want to bathe in those thoughts even more by writing a post about it. (Hmm, now you’ve got me wondering if it would have a cathartic effect and I should do it after all.)
That’s what I thought, too, and why I never wrote about the not-so-great bits. But I’m finding it kind of releases those feelings…Plus, I am a huge fan of straight up honesty! Namaste!
#7 is all truth!!
Right?? I am hoping I can find something redeeming about it soon….
This post is hilarious!!! One of my favorites of all time. Thanks for being so honest, humble and hilarious. I must say I have many of those same thoughts. Thanks again!
Oh, thank you so much!! That is so sweet. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Namaste!
This is so, so true. Must. Reblog.
🙂 Yay! Love a re-blog! Thanks so much!
Reblogged this on Travels With Slippers, or The Life of A Single Woman Who Prefers It That Way and commented:
This is so true. Admit it.
I think we would be great friends if we knew each other in real life. Fantastic post!
Thanks so much!!
How I am a poor yogi, let me count the ways…
1. 90% of what you said above applies to me.
2. Im crestfallen when I see newbies pop into poses I STILL can’t get.
3. If the opportunity arose to kill for tiger scorpion, I might do it.
4. Sometimes I get in the door by promising myself a worldly reward after class; like a beer or doughnut.
5. I have a semi-secret disdain for ‘enlightened’ yogis in SUVs, while being fully aware that, being a bikram yogi with the aforementioned blight, I am living in a proverbial glass house.
…I could get to #1000 easy.
Here’s yet another confession: I drive an SUV. I bought it 7 years ago, when my priorities were very different. Now, I wish I drove something else, but part of my new deal is living simply and frugally, and buying a new car to properly reflect my new semi-enlightened state just doesn’t fit with that. So, I just don’t drive much and I try to remember that I don’t believe we are defined by what we drive – either direction!!
Thanks so much for reading and namaste!
I can one-up you on that. I narrowly avoided owning a 300m with a HEMI engine. In Chicago, where you don’t even need a car. It was part of an inheritance and although it would have made much more financial sense to take it, I opted to let my brother have it. I can absolutely see myself driving my brand new HEMIed car to the farmers market and poo-pooing the SUVs. It’s just that sort of narrow-minded superiority BS that I would LOVE to rid myself of. We all try within our limits, right? 🙂
Yep – we’ve all got something! And when you think you have gotten it under control, something else pops up! Ah, spiritual growth…so tricky. 🙂
I’m so relieved to read all the people chiming along with your #12 no-shower revelation. I’ll be in a dance class, sweating through my bra, my shirt, stinking to high heaven, thinking, “OMG, I am a mess; I must smell so bad!” and then by the time class ends and I drive home, I’ve dried up a bit and think, “Eh. Not so bad now. I can probably get away with a baby wipe wipedown and a fresh application of deodorant.”
Three cheers (and two stinky armpits) to us sweaty lazy-asses out there! 🙂
I am a firm believer that sweat just dries up. Let’s hear it for making intimate confessions on the internet!!
i don’t get rabbit either. It just makes me feel sick–maybe because it’s because it’s right after camel pose? I don’t know.
You’re NOT a bad yogini! who said that all yoga practices had to be perfect? where is that written?? You’re great..keep it up!
How funny. Rabbit, which at first I hated, is now one of my fave poses. Except that I am now flexible enough that my nose is in my cleavage making it hard to breathe 🙂
Ha! Thanks for the laugh!
@Travelswithslippers I am cracking up at the thought of you suffocating in your own cleavage…. heeeee heeee……
Thanks so much! And you are right – it’s absolutely does not need to be prefect – that’s why it’s called practice! Namaste!
No sins in yoga dear. You’re not “bad”….just human 🙂
🙂
Being honest; maybe you are a good yogi after all or at least very funny!
Thanks, Jim!! Namate!
This post is amazing. I was nodding and laughing along as I read.
#16 – Why the hell aren’t there any foot massages in my studio? WTH?
#14 – Yes!
#12 – Uh… I live alone. This happens ALL THE TIME!
#10 – Right? I look like shit. I’ll never get a hot yogi to marry me. 😉
#7 – Rabbit can suck it.
#3 – I do Dancer when I’m dreaming allll the time. Which is weird, because I can’t even do Standing Bow yet.
#1 – Guilty.
I must admit that I took the foot massages a little for granted and I’m only now realizing they are a pretty rare thing. Come practice in Virginia! Thanks so much, I’m glad you could relate!!
Fuck yes. Hilarious and true. And the ones that I don’t do, like fall asleep without showering, are so funny they make me want to call you and take you out for a drink.
Yeah! Yogi’s Night Out! Thank so much!
Laughed my ass off and identified with damn near every one. Love it!
Aw, thank you!
First time post…loved this one – hysterical and SO true! I live with two cats so going to bed after having wiped down and changed in at the studio has happened way more times than I can remember – all I can say is thank goodness for baby wipes! LMAO.
I agree with everything you said so you are definitely not alone, (as if you needed more confirmation after reading all these posts…lol…) I will say this: I got a different perspective on the whole yogi’s driving SUV’s…learn something new everyday 🙂
Almost fell out of my chair!! Rabbit pose can go to hell.
#15: More than one of those… either because they bring so much drama or they are just too stinking good.
#12: Same applies if Sweetie isn’t home.
#3: Never heard of Dancer pose.
#2: Ditto.
Good to know I’m a member of a very large club.
Peace.
If you’ve just been doing Bikram, it could be because Bikram teaches it as part of the advanced series. This is offered a few times a year (you can find out when, where and how much it’ll cost at Bikram’s website) and usually also with teacher training (which helps to justify the $10,000 expense).
BTW, may I repost this?
Thanks so much, Mark – I would be honored!!
Being a larger lady, I have a hard time with many of the postures, especially those that would relate to moving one part of my body (usually a leg) to the area where my belly is.
That, and I dress like I’m homeless when I go to yoga too because of the fact that I am a college student and already spending $79/month on yoga or $499 for 6 months is hard on my budget, having to buy Shakti or Prana or one of the other brands that yuppies buy would just make it worse.
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Love it! You’ve inspired me to post an honest piece too. I certainly paint a sunshine & rainbows outlook to the world but there is a down side to everything…
I love Rabbit! Am I weird? I still have difficulties stretching my total spine but its a work in progress. I see so many bad things happen in this posture, a few simple pointers & improvements happen instantly. Suck your stomach’s in a lot, choke your throats lots (so good for immune system & metabolism) pull your heals like your life depends on it & never let go of said heels till you have fully unraveled. 🙂
Kat, I commented earlier about how I love rabbit. So we’re both weird!
Oh I must have missed that. Just scrolled up & found you. So funny, suffocation by cleavage!! You’re gonna have such a speedy metabolism & strong immune system tho.
Lisa, yes give it a go so many benefits from this posture. It will feel weird at first & uncomfortable – the right way is the hard way 😉
Y’all are inspiring me to give Rabbit a chance…and actually TRY. : ) Thanks so much for reading!
My blog post of today might be of interest to those who enjoyed this one… http://travelswithslippers.wordpress.com/2012/05/07/i-have-a-confession-to-make/
Yay for honesty! Thanks for sharing!
I can relate to all of these but number 15 rings especially true lately! Nice reminder that we are all human 🙂
Thanks so much. It’s ridiculous that we need reminders that we are human – but I certainly do!! Namaste!
This is so unbelievably fantastic! I think there’s a little of each one of these in all of us.
Thank you so much! I must admit I’m totally relieved that others can relate…. 🙂
I would reblog, too, but that would only show you’re funnier than me. And therfore a better bad yogi!
HA! Thanks – I’m honored to be such a good bad yogi!
Actually, I am reblogging it. Hope that’s ok with you. X
Absolutely!! I really appreciate you sharing. Namaste!
Thank you so much. I have publicised on twitter. Hope that is also ok with you. x
Reblogged this on cazbaz and commented:
The online bikram community has given me so much that I am not sure where I would be without it. I love it – i.e., all of you – desperately. Except when I come across a post I wish I had written. I know; that doesn’t sound like me, does it, since I have no ego. Puzzling. But even so, when I find a blog post that manages to trump my own blog objective of being 100% honest even when it’s uncomfortable I almost can’t stand it. Anyway, yoginis and yogimen, I give you Lisa Jones and her blog post (and her 59 comments and counting – hmpf) proving that she is a better bad yogi than me.
I love this!!! #9 is so spot on :). Hysterical.
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you!!
Tbis post rocks. Thanks for your honesty! Namaste.
Aw, thanks!! I’m glad you liked it…. Namaste to you!
Thank you so much for this!! I’m laughed and cried. Im at teacher training right now and I know you can do it!!! I should be memorizing dialogue right now… Thanks for making my Sunday ‘off’ a little lighter! You rock!!
I’m so glad I could offer some levity to your training!! How exciting – I wish you the very best of luck. If you want to check in when you are done, I’d love to know how it all went! Namaste.
I love all of these and I am all of these. Here’s me falling out of standing bow: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=7153817191&set=a.12384997191.18849.754437191&type=3&theater 😀
Thanks! Unfortunately, I can’t access your photo – but I love this idea – all of us showing the failed pics where we fall out of our pretty poses!! Let’s keep it real and Namaste!
Aw, bummer; it looks a lot like yours but with a New England fall background. (I just tweeted it to you.) Namaste!
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Oh my gosh! This had me cracking up! #9!!! Yes! Me too!
1. I’m terrified of wearing short shorts.
2. I don’t push myself until the last possible moment right before I know the pose is going to end.
3. I sit on my mat when I get the feeling that you get before you feel dizzy (rather than when I actually feel dizzy), because I’m really tall, and I’m afraid that it would really hurt if I fell all the way to the ground.
4. I really hate showing my belly. So, I stay at the back of the class, and I cover my belly with my mat when I am travelling to and from class. And I wear my yoga pants really high like Steve Urkle from Family Matters
Love!!!